Guess I am blogging now ;)

Hello friends!!! Welcome to the first edition of the Fit Body Fit Mind (FBFM) health and fitness blog. The idea behind this is to add more value to my current members, future members, and readers alike.

The fitness industry has captivated my attention since I was a small child. I recall my oldest sister, Yvette mentioning to our Mom that she was considering entering into a fitness competition. My Mother, who has and loves a small, petite, fragile frame was instantly concerned about Yvette getting BULKY. I was probably 8 at the time and I remember looking at Yvette's VMO and extremely defined quads and calves and liking the appearance. At that time I was about 8 (Yvette was 23) and I was kind of "unknowingly" extremely athletic. It wasn't until I got to the age that the boys should have been faster and stronger, I should have been losing to them as they received their testosterone dump..... but I wasn't :) I was getting faster, more athletic, and lighter on my feet with nonstop footwork drills. That was when not only myself, but everyone around me started to see my athleticism. I mention this because of that conversation I witnessed between my mom and sister. As my body started to transfer its baby fat, it chose muscle and I was instantly self-conscious about being "bulky" instead of feminine.

Enter negative self-talk in my early teen years. This is the first time I can ever remember having negative self-thoughts. It was new to me and I didn't know what to do with the information that was running between my ears. I was carb cycling unbeknown to me. I just could feel what proper foods would do for long sports days and gym days vs. the light stomach for higher cardio times and core work days. I became fast and strong and I LOVED IT. However, even some of the other girls in my class would snicker or make comments about my "fat" body. That sure didn't stop me though. I wasn't ever much of being held back from what I wanted and all I wanted to be was the best in the state in my sport. I was relentless in my efforts and never stopped training, educating myself with books about nutrition and working on agility skills.

My sister never competed, she never went forth with it. I suppose negative talk (which was simply and still is my mom's opinion) was taken hard enough that she stopped pursuing something that she was really considering. Isn't it funny how impressionable we are to please in our 20s and unstoppable with the things we want when we are kids? A picture of a three-year-old that wants a cookie enters my mind, likely they are ending up with it.

I continued to pursue sports and worked at being in the best, most athletic shape of my life. Enter my 20's... I had 5 beautiful kids in 7.5 years with my husband at the time. This all of the sudden became the best part of life. I quickly transferred all my sports discipline into being the best, most attentive mother one could be. Of course, teaching them to read at 18 months and potty trained by 2, etc. We only know what we know, I knew competition and grit. Definitely not great assets in raising young children. If I could go back I would do everything as a mother differently but here we are as they are all adults now. During that time in life, I got big into running, which I had never enjoyed in my youth. It was an escape from the 5 kids under 8 that accidentally would steal all of their mothers' brain power. Stress started to get to me, while running I wasn't properly fueling my body. I was tired, and my arthritis was kicking into full effect of pains in my joints but I "looked good" according to my peers of course.

After a pretty difficult divorce, I ended up getting back into the gym to lift and left my cardio focus behind to build some muscle and get strong and feel healthy again. Enter an entirely new body as an adult. I was long, lean, and had plenty of muscle to spare. After many friends begged me to help them do the same I decided to get into a program to become certified as a personal trainer. Enter the second-best phase of my life. I was all the way obsessed again. I couldn't get enough of the education and self-application. Hello, 30's. Gosh, they were great. My kids were at such fun ages, even with having full physical custody of them and never getting a "break" that often divorced parents speak of. I was still in one of the happiest times of my life. I was a nationally recognized, sponsored athlete, I had plenty of time freedom, and I had a physical gym space. I was running small groups constantly and my online presence and audience were growing rapidly. At that time I added an online platform with an app to help other women around the world with their health and fitness journey.

In 2020, I chose to take a step back and focus entirely on family for a few years. As my younger ones went through their teen years there was all new territory that I was working with that the older 2 kids of mine spared me from. With covid coming on strong, I felt it was time to turn my focus on the kids in my life. This was a mistake, a huge one honestly. Never stop your passion and your desire, not for anything, including family and relationships. I ended up with a bad relationship with alcohol and caught myself turning to it more and more frequently. Side note, I wasn't ever a drinker. My first drink at 30, hated it, then stumbled onto margaritas around 35 but still, the high levels of sugar and odd feelings in my body just weren't for me. But of course, just enough people say "you need to have a drink so you're fun" starts to cause damage in itself. I was lost and just "living" mindlessly. I could feel this huge void but just assumed it was likely caused by teen drama and stress. Bottom line, my teens would have benefited more greatly had they been able to witness their mom pursuing what she was and had always been most passionate about. To again, become the best. To strive for all of the same things she had strived for in her younger years with this parallel lane of health and fitness coach and influence.

Welcome to my 40s, I truly think it was a new rock bottom. I was drinking too much, not doing ANY of the things I knew my body needed and my family was deteriorating. Following and pursuing our passions makes us show up better everywhere else. Life was easy at the time, too easy. I was comfortable, too comfortable and that is where the scales began to tip. I ran away to "put my feet in the sand", I felt I needed to be one with the earth to feel what my soul needed. I was pursuing a career in commercial real estate just to have something to do. Hello, what was wrong with my brain? Real Estate? I had just finished the schooling portion and was out in the dirt of the cabin just in a space of vacancy and pain, searching for bliss and meditation. In full-blown tears, super dramatic, Lauri Anne fashion, it hit me. I miss my ladies, I miss the gym, I miss my life, I tremendously missed adding value and feeling the joys of the nonstop wins all around me and I missed the constant growth in an area that I would dream about at night. Over the next few days, the ideas were pouring out of me and the excitement of the future was just the same. I had a calling, I felt it in my guts! I had created a new concept and felt the urge rip me from the dirt floor to fulfill this vision I had experienced on that summer day.

So here I am, I am back. I am doing the things that I am meant for and I am here for every one of you. The only reason I decided to share my life in its entirety is to hope that maybe, just maybe it can resonate with even just one reader. To let you know, that you are not alone on your journey of life, desiring health and fitness, happiness, and wholeness. I am here for it and I am here for you. I have developed a road map that is pliable to nearly any lifestyle, all you need to do is join the community and follow the road map in front of you.

Thank you for sharing your time with this blog. I am excited to pursue this and much, much more. This version of me, this woman in her mid-40s, the empty nester, the shit show of chaos, spontaneous as one could be, able to feel joy at the highest level and emotional at all times fitness coach, and friend is here for all of it. Let's go 2023!!!